Limericks

Mar 23, 2019
Originally published on March 23, 2019 12:02 pm
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

AUTUMN O’TOOLE: Hello, my name Autumn O’Toole from Huntington, W. Va.

SAGAL: Well, how are things in Huntington, W. Va., Autumn?

O’TOOLE: Oh, they're good.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

O’TOOLE: I am a person that finds kids foster homes.

SAGAL: Oh, you do?

O’TOOLE: Yes.

SAGAL: Well, that's an important thing to be doing. Welcome to the show, Autumn. Chioke I’Anson right here is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play?

O’TOOLE: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CHIOKE I’ANSON: Though hotel guests say grody and nope, on handwashing day, we give hope. We take slightly used bars, remove hairs, burnish scars, and, voila, we're recycling old...

O’TOOLE: Soap.

SAGAL: Yes, soap.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Hilton announced this week their new eco-friendly business practice - recycling soap. Here's how it works. They collect all the partially used soaps from their hotel rooms. Then bars of soap are made out of these previous guests' privates - I mean, soap.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Soap. And I should mention the new soap is sanitized before it's formed into new bars. Unfortunately, they clean it by rubbing it with another used bar of soap.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hilton hopes to produce one million bars of recycled soap by October 15, which is Global Handwashing Day.

ADAM BURKE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Anybody else worried we're just setting aside one day a year to wash our hands?

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Let's go back to the good old days when soap was made out of the guts of a whale.

SAGAL: There you go. Here is your next limerick.

I’ANSON: Though space flight is meant to inspire us, one side effect's less than desirous. Low gravity scares up a herpes 2 flare-up 'cause space flight will wake up a...

O’TOOLE: Virus.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A virus.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Astronauts are reporting weird and surprising flare-ups of herpes in space. That's right - space herpes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So we finally understand the Red Spot on Jupiter. Apparently...

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: And those rings.

SAGAL: Oh, my God.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, there's something about space travel that causes dormant viruses to resurge, right? So, all of a sudden, the astronauts reporting outbreaks. You've got to feel for Houston. They're getting calls from astronauts like, Houston, I have a problem, and...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...You might want to get checked out, too.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I hope we don't end up recycling their soap.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Space hotels are disgusting.

SAGAL: That's absolutely true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

I’ANSON: I don't know which way high fashion leans. For my pants' legs, I'll choose in-betweens. Get them skinny or wide? Oh, I just can't decide, so I'll get me some lopsided...

O’TOOLE: Jeans.

SAGAL: Yes, jeans.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The new hot thing in jeans - asymmetry. One leg is really tight, the other is loose and flowing. It's like one leg belongs to a skinny hipster. The other leg belongs to Barack Obama.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They're perfect for anyone whose left leg has just been stung by a swarm of bees or for anyone who has some serious shoplifting plans. In any event, the designer says this is definitely an artistic choice and not the result of a massive manufacturing error at the factory.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Chioke, how did Autumn do on our quiz?

I’ANSON: She got them all right, a perfect score.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Autumn. Well done. Thank you so much for playing.

O’TOOLE: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.