Lightning Fill In The Blank

Apr 27, 2019
Originally published on April 27, 2019 11:23 am
Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game - Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can - each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Bobcat leads the pack with three. And Paula and Luke each have two.

SAGAL: We have flipped a coin. And Paula has elected to go second. That means, Luke, you are up first. Here we go. Clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the White House told officials not to comply with subpoenas from blank.

LUKE BURBANK: House Democrats.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, Nancy Pelosi said there were no immediate plans to start blank proceedings.

BURBANK: Impeachment.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Kim Jong Un held his first summit with Russian President blank.

BURBANK: Putin.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Sunday, the FBI arrested the leader of a right-wing militia who detained blanks in New Mexico.

BURBANK: Would-be immigrants.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, the World Health Organization said that kids under 2 shouldn't spend any time with blanks.

BURBANK: Anti-vaxxers?

SAGAL: No, with screens. Although...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Also smart.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: On Sunday, the queen of blank celebrated her 93rd birthday.

BURBANK: England.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, the president of Liberia decided to work from home...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...After being informed that his office was blank.

BURBANK: Full of loose snakes.

SAGAL: Exactly right...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Luke.

(CHEERING)

BURBANK: Yes.

SAGAL: The snakes...

BURBANK: They don't like snakes either.

SAGAL: No. After snakes were reported emerging from holes in the president's office building, the president announced he'd be telecommuting.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Vastly exceeding my own standards for deciding to work from home. The snakes commented, oh, he's at home? Good. We'll be right over. Bill, how did Luke do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Very, very well. Six right.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, man.

KURTIS: Twelve more points, total of 14 - way out front.

SAGAL: There you go. All right.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: That's a challenge.

SAGAL: Paula, you're up next. On Tuesday, the IRS failed to hand over blank's tax documents before a congressional deadline.

POUNDSTONE: Trump.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After the release of the Mueller report, a House panel issued a subpoena for former White House counsel blank.

POUNDSTONE: McGahn.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Don McGahn. According to a new U.N. report, 1 million species face blank, thanks to human activity.

POUNDSTONE: Extinction.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a movie theater in Tennessee sparked controversy when it removed the movie "Hellboy" from its marquee and replaced it with blank.

POUNDSTONE: Heaven girl.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: HeckBoy.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, my God.

SAGAL: On Sunday, it was revealed that nearly 100 runners from China had falsified their times to get into the blank marathon.

POUNDSTONE: The Boston Marathon.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, both Rite Aid and Walgreens raised the minimum age to buy blanks to 21.

POUNDSTONE: Cigarettes.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: An Airbnb listing for a rental in Scotland is booked years...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...In advance despite the fact that renters are required to blank while staying there.

POUNDSTONE: If booked years in advance, they're required to hold their breath while they stay there.

SAGAL: No. They're required to work at a bookstore from 9 to 5.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Wow.

SAGAL: If your idea of the perfect vacation is working retail eight hours a day in a room filled with cat dander, check out The Open Book, an Airbnb rental in Scotland. It includes two bedrooms, a bathroom and a fully operational bookstore you need to manage while staying there.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you're interested but can't afford the trip to Scotland, you can probably book a room at a Motel 6 next to an Amazon distribution center.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I would go work in a bookstore and...

SAGAL: You'd be paying to do it, you realize that.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, doesn't matter.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I applaud your literary spirit.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. I work for NPR.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Decent - five right, 10 more points, 12 - trailing Luke, of course, by two.

SAGAL: All right. And how many, then, does Bobcat need to win?

KURTIS: Six to win.

SAGAL: OK, Bobcat. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. Following the bombings on Easter weekend, the defense minister of blank resigned on Thursday.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: Sri Lanka.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, the first criminal charges were filed against the drug CEO for his part in the blank crisis.

GOLDTHWAIT: The opioid.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, reported cases of blank reached the highest rate in 25 years.

GOLDTHWAIT: Chlamydia.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: Measles.

SAGAL: Measles, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: I'll give it to you. On Monday, Herman Cain withdrew his name from consideration for a spot on the board of the blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: HUD.

SAGAL: No. The Federal Reserve.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.

SAGAL: Police in Australia say they shouldn't have any trouble identifying a thief who wore a grocery bag over his head to hide his identity and then blanked.

GOLDTHWAIT: And then took it off.

SAGAL: Yes. But he - I'll give it to you. He took the bag off so he could have a place to carry his loot.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: He's like, I need a bag. Oh, I got one right here.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This week, China revealed plans to build a base on blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: The moon.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, two brothers implicated in an attack alleged to be a hoax filed a defamation lawsuit against the lawyers for blank.

GOLDTHWAIT: Jussie...

SAGAL: Yeah. Jussie Smollett - very good. Archaeologists were shocked this week when a piece of fossilized...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Poop revealed that 1,500 years ago, a hunter-gatherer blanked.

GOLDTHWAIT: Pooped.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, they knew he did that. But the discovery was that he ate an entire rattlesnake - whole - including the fangs.

GOLDTHWAIT: Oh, I was going to say that.

SAGAL: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: Ahh.

SAGAL: Researchers say they've never seen anything like the recent find in a dig in Texas, which contains the remains of an entire rattlesnake, including a fang. The archaeologists say the fossil provides a great insight into the ancient man's life but also poses a lot of questions, like how bad does your breakup have to be before you eat your feelings with a live rattlesnake?

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: That man was Laird Hamilton's grandfather.

SAGAL: It's true.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's also possible that bar bets were invented far earlier than previously thought.

GOLDTHWAIT: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: It was the birth of "Jackass."

SAGAL: Yeah (laughter). Bill, did Bobcat do well enough to win?

KURTIS: Hold on. This just in - Bobcat got six right, 12 more points. He wins with 15.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Bobcat.

(APPLAUSE)

GOLDTHWAIT: I'd like to thank my team.

SAGAL: Yeah. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.