Lightning Fill In The Blank

Apr 13, 2019
Originally published on April 13, 2019 12:49 pm
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: All three of our panelists are tied...

SAGAL: Oh, my...

KURTIS: ...At three.

SAGAL: Tied at three.

NEGIN FARSAD: What?

MAEVE HIGGINS: Oh, my God.

SAGAL: OK. I'm just going to randomly pick Maeve to go first. Maeve, fill in the blank. On Thursday, the EU offered to delay blank until October 31.

HIGGINS: Brexit.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, lawmakers in New Zealand overwhelmingly approved a ban on blank.

HIGGINS: White guys.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Assault weapons. On Monday, Virginia beat Texas Tech to win the men's blank title.

HIGGINS: School.

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: The best school award.

SAGAL: If only. The NCAA basketball tournament.

HIGGINS: Oh.

SAGAL: This week, a high school baseball game was canceled after a group of people attempted to dry the field by blanking.

HIGGINS: To dry the field?

SAGAL: Yes.

HIGGINS: By going out there with tea towels?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: By dumping 25 gallons of gasoline on it and lighting it on fire.

(LAUGHTER)

FARSAD: Jesus.

SAGAL: Happened in Connecticut. On Monday, the White House reversed an Obama-era decision to allow baseball players from blank to play in the U.S. without defecting.

HIGGINS: Cuba?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in Oregon were surprised when a 911 call reporting a robbery in progress turned out to be blank.

HIGGINS: It was a bear?

SAGAL: No. It wasn't a bear. It was a Roomba trapped in a bathroom.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The homeowner heard strange noises from a bathroom and called the police, who arrived on the scene with guns drawn. They busted in the door and were surprised to find a Roomba inside - even more surprised when it said, can't you knock?

(LAUGHTER)

HIGGINS: They were like, give me all your dirt.

SAGAL: The woman apologized to the police for wasting their time. And the burglar under her bed breathed a sigh of relief and jumped out the window.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Maeve do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She beat her old record. She got two right.

HIGGINS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: That gives her four more points, a total of seven. And in her distinct style, she takes the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

HIGGINS: Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Alonzo, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Monday, a federal judge blocked the White House's policy forcing blanks to stay in Mexico.

ALONZO BODDEN: Oh, asylum seekers.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, WikiLeaks founder blank was arrested in London.

BODDEN: Julian Assange.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Florida man who stole a jeep but left his phone behind was arrested when he blanked.

BODDEN: Went to get it.

SAGAL: No. He drove up in the stolen Jeep and asked the cops for help finding his phone.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Thursday...

BODDEN: Wait, wait, wait. Wouldn't that be went to get it?

SAGAL: I don't know. Bill, what do you think?

BODDEN: Judges?

KURTIS: Yeah, (unintelligible).

SAGAL: Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODDEN: Yeah.

(CHEERING)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the CDC warned that a new drug-resistant blank is a global health threat.

BODDEN: A new drug-resistant virus?

SAGAL: No. It's a fungus. This week, a grand jury indicted former Stormy Daniels attorney blank on 36 federal counts.

BODDEN: Aventi (ph).

SAGAL: Yes. Michael Avenatti - close enough.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

BODDEN: Avenatti.

SAGAL: This week, the owner of a bed and breakfast on the U.S.-Canadian border...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Called the Smuggler's Inn was arrested for blanking.

BODDEN: Smuggling.

SAGAL: Of course.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Why he called it that.

KURTIS: (Unintelligible).

SAGAL: It's on the sign. Canadian police arrested the owner of the Smuggler's Inn for organizing...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Illegal entry into Canada for seven people. He now faces 21 criminal charges, which could come with a hefty jail sentence. The owner says he's going to stay calm and really hopes police don't find out about his other business, the every cake contains a nail file to help you break out of prison bakery.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Alonzo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he raced to the lead with five right.

FARSAD: Wow.

KURTIS: 10 more points - total of 13.

SAGAL: Very well done.

FARSAD: Did so much better than Maeve.

HIGGINS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: How many, then...

FARSAD: Noticing that.

SAGAL: ...Does Negin need to win?

KURTIS: She needs six to win in a very difficult field.

FARSAD: Yeah.

SAGAL: Here we go, Negin.

FARSAD: All right.

SAGAL: This is for the game.

FARSAD: OK.

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Steve Mnuchin said the IRS would not meet a House panel's deadline for releasing Donald Trump's blank's.

FARSAD: Tax returns.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Benny Gantz conceded defeat to Israeli Prime Minister blank.

FARSAD: Benjamin Netanyahu.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, New York declared a public health emergency over an outbreak of blank.

FARSAD: Measles.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the White House declared blank's Revolutionary Guard a terrorist group.

FARSAD: Iran.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, police in South Africa said that a missing poacher was likely blanked.

FARSAD: A missing poacher was likely eaten by an elephant?

SAGAL: Oh, so close.

FARSAD: Wait.

HIGGINS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: I'm going to give it to you.

FARSAD: They don't eat elephants.

SAGAL: Killed by an elephant, then eaten by lions.

FARSAD: Oh.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

FARSAD: Yeah.

SAGAL: On Monday, Texas Tech announced it would no longer consider blank in its admissions.

FARSAD: Race.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, it was reported that blank hires thousands of employees to listen to recordings made by their smart speakers.

FARSAD: Amazon?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Police in Detroit have opened an internal investigation...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...After an officer showed up drunk to a training session on a blank.

FARSAD: (Laughter) On how to use a Breathalyzer.

SAGAL: You're exactly right...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Negin.

(APPLAUSE)

FARSAD: (Laughter).

SAGAL: According to the police report, the officer volunteered to role play the part of a drunk driver for a Breathalyzer demonstration and proceeded to blow above the legal limit.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That means he was either drinking on the job or just really that good an actor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He is currently being investigated on charges of being really, really, really dedicated to his job.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, I think Negin did well enough to win. Did she not?

KURTIS: She got eight points for 16 more points...

(CHEERING)

KURTIS: ...with a total of 19 and the win.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Negin.

HIGGINS: Whoa.

SAGAL: That was masterful.

FARSAD: Thank you very much. Thank you.

HIGGINS: Did you get the questions beforehand?

FARSAD: (Laughter). Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.